Depressed

My heart is broken.

O Lord, haven't you heard my prayer?

Now where do I go and complain? Who is my friend?

Would you not console my crying soul?

I carry the burden of a million sins and counting - it is all my fault. I do not have the courage or intellect either - I am the manmukh. In my mind I may believe I am a good devotee - but if my prayers are not heard by You, what use is my thinking and believing? I am the loser devotee, a dog is better than me- at least he obeys and serves his master. A blade of grass is better than me - at least it sways to your Will. What even made me think I was a good devotee?

Now what do I even say?

O Supreme Master

Have my prayers failed?

I know there's not a greater sinner than me-

but being Your child, I am eligible for you mercy, am I not?

I have submitted to You my mind, body and wealth

I wish to sway in the direction of Your Will

What else can I do?

How do I please you?

How do I obtain your attention?

What action would make me the tallest tree?

O Glorious Sun, I wish to bathe in your light!

Forgive me, forgive me-

this is my continuous prayer-

O Forgiver-Guru, forgive me,

how else would I meet you my Lord?

O Guru Nanak,

O Lord,

I have forsaken all-

dharma, karma, and discipline.

I surrender to your will

and rely on your grace.

Save me, beloved Lord!

I live for you

I live to see your lotus feet

O breaker of bonds, o beloved Master

I live to serve You.

I say from the core of my heart-

I want nothing in the world-

but Your feet.

What colour, what flavour would make this sweet attractive?

O Lord, what would make you look at me with Your glance of grace?

I have been trying - I am tired,

now please guide my soul,

please make me do

what will please You-

I'm such a faithless coward!

I may have a thousand talents-

but all are worldly entanglements

if not used to praise you, O Satguru, my Lord!

All useless unless used to glorify Your Name.

Give me such a talent, my Guru-

a talent that may please You.

Oh how can I please You?

You are said to be Paarbrahm, the Beyond Soul,

You are infinite, the Greatest, Our Holy Father.

O Lord - just what am I! Oh so insignificant!

What could I possibly do to earn your loving grace, O Hari!

Forgive me, Lord, forgive me-

I am such a sinner!

Chant, chant, chant, o foolish mind!

why think of others?

He and she, young or old, mother or brother,

the dust is the same,

the air is the same,

and there is this One Glorious Light-

O Lord, why do I not have the courage to face the reality!

It is all you, all you-

why is it hard to convince the mind?!

Please convince this mind, O Lord-

please don't play tricks on poor me, O Lord!

You are so mischevious, O sweetest one

How could I even live without you, you are such an enticer, O Mohan!

I'm so gullible and then who can You not fool?

I sell my mind to you a million times-

Please make me follow you,

I cannot myself;

Everything is in Your hands,

O Doer of all.

O mind, why do you have doubts?

The Word is the Guru;

O Mohan, what a fool I am!

Please make me your perfect disciple

that I may please you - O Lord!

Come, show me your glorious sight, O Lord

Love me, smile at me, entice me O Mohan!

Such a teaser you are, my playful Krsna

Oh your lotus eyes, O Nirankaar jeeo!

Mad, mad I am in your love at times- why can't this be always?

Make me mad, madly mad in your love-

this is the desire of my life, O Guru,

may I forever stick to Your feet.